It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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