i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
