you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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