that's an acceptable place to lick
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
