is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
