Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
