You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
