hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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