so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
