What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
