i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
