I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
