i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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