i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
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