so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
