so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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