Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
