I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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