oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
