The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Randomize
