Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
