would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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