NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
