thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
