its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
