dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
