I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
