Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
