I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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