from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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