His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Did I show you my penis last night?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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