i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I just threw up on my dentist
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
