Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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