I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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