Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
