she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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