you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I lost the right to judge tonight
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
