He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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