The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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