Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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