I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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