I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
