I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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