why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
