currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
