some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
