Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
