She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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