it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
