I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
