you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
