How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
