apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'm both gender and math confused
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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