quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Shame is for Republicans.
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